What to say when you don't know what to say by Davina Bell illustrated by Hilary Jean Tapper

There are so many big emotions in this deceptively simple book: grief, loss, sadness, loneliness, friendship, new relationships, fairness, identity, embarrassment, fear, courage, sharing and change. The cover perhaps will lead you to think this is a book for a very young child but really it is for all ages. The back cover says this book is: "a warm and whimsical guide to negotiating life's little moments and big emotions with empathy, kindness and words from the heart."  I am not so sure about 'whimsical' - there is so much power in this book - it is way more than just whimsy. 

I love the tactile cover, the handwritten style font used through-out, the way the cover illustration stretches front and back and the sweet pastel illustrations which invite closer study. After spending time looking at and touching the cover the first thing you will notice are the brilliant end papers which gently reinforce the theme of this book. 

I so enjoyed following the story of each child, glimpsing each situation and then putting each story together rather like a jigsaw puzzle. Many of the illustrations are invested with very real emotion such as when the little girl wets her pants (my heart broke) and also when the cat died. The perspective on each page calls for readers to use their inference skills - readers of this book, no matter what their age, need to stop, think and expand each image to work out exactly what has happened and what might happend next. I found myself turning back and forwards following each child.  This use of a non-linear narrative will ensure a great deal of discussion as this book is shared by an adult reading to a young child. 

As I said, in this picture book you really need to ‘read’ the images. You have to look very closely at what is happening in each one to fully understand the meaning behind the words. In doing so, you also notice lots of little narrative threads that are woven throughout. Each individual character is created and developed quite subtly, and each has a very distinct personality. The life situations are also highly relatable. This is a book to linger over and to re-read and to enjoy with a child sitting side by side.

With older students it would be good to talk about the title - 'what to say' - but so much is unsaid in this book - we view the personal tragedies and then view the kindness of others - and often not one word is spoken. 

It's a collection of situations and experiences which are depicted visually along with a response that might be appropriate. The approach demonstrates kindness at all times. Kids' Book Review

'A soothing story with gentle tips on how to respond with compassion and care when life gets tricky ... The ideal book to gently encourage young readers to open up about their feelings' Sydney Morning Herald

What to say when you don't know what to say was a 2023 CBCA (Children's Book Council of Australia) notable title. 

The way you need to follow each individual story in this book reminded me of Clive Eats Alligators and the sequels but of course this book is way deeper.

I also thought of these this book - but again it is just funny and doesn't have the emotional depth of What to say when you don't know what to say.

A better companion book would be this wonderful wordless book which you do need to add to your library:

Take a look at other books by Davia Bell. And here are books illustrated by Hilary Jean Tapper. It is lucky I am talking about What to Do ...  because a second book was released just yesterday!